


Dudebro Advisors Anonymous

by krispy_kream



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Homestuck Kink Meme, Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-08
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-30 19:26:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/335240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krispy_kream/pseuds/krispy_kream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've got this problem with my roommate. I just cant stop starring at his ass."</p><p>"Well, are you into him?"</p><p>"...shit."</p><p>Lacking any real advisors who aren't 'snarky bitches,' Dave finds himself taking advice from a stranger on the internet on how best to move past the friend zone. (This thing is dead as a door nail, unfortunately :( )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt on the kink meme. (Actual prompt to be revealed at a later date, for those of you not following the kink meme.)

It was more of a personal project, really. Certainly it was a music board, specifically centered around the kind of music Dave enjoyed, but there was a very prominent pop-culture remix section with remixes for all sorts of ridiculous shows and movies that would give Dave the perfect opportunity to genuinely like things without irony having to get in the way. He was striving to get out from beneath his bro’s shadow and his ideals about what was cool. It was a hard habit to break, but now that Dave lived on his own he figured he better start practicing. 

Alright, “on his own” was fairly inaccurate, Dave was rooming with John, with Rose and Jade literally across the hall from them. Still, there were no parents or brothers or smuppets so all of them felt exceedingly independent. 

The forum he joined had a lot of different sub forums. There were sections dedicated to the different genres, an off topic area and, of course, the different pop-culture sections; one for mash-ups of popular songs, one for that Japanese anime stuff, and one for television and movies. 

Dave meet Goggles in a thread about Ghost Busters remixes. Most of them were pretty funny, and they had decent beats, but Dave had to laugh whenever they sampled too heavily from the movie itself. Most of the comments on the thread were mirrors of Dave’s own thoughts, some calling ‘nostalgia bomb’ and others making comments or questions about how certain sections were done. Goggles deviated the conversation a little. 

Post by GhostGoggles at 9:42 pm  
wow this is really great!! would it be completely nerdy and loserly to put this track in a collection of remixes as a present? i mean, ghost busters is totally awesome but i’m pretty sure my friend thinks it’s the lamest movie on the planet, you think this could help change his mind?

The support for the idea was pretty significant. There were caps lock outcries of “DO IT” and “Let’s educate this fool friend of yours” but, by the looks of it, most of them were encouraging it to be a joke. Goggle’s stats made him out to be a bit of a newbie, having joined maybe a week or two before Dave himself and with half the posts. Dave figured he could shoot the kid some decent logic amidst all the joking.

Post by TurnMeOn at 10:15 pm  
i dont know about changing anyones mind about the movie but this track is pretty solid  
i like ghost busters pretty alright but it aint my favorite movie and i would still be pretty stoked to get a mix with this track on it  
its good to put a bit of yourself into the mix especially if its a present it makes it more personal  
i think your friend will like it

The encouragement shifted to support Dave’s and he felt pretty confident to leave the thread be. It was not two minutes later that he had a private message from the guy. 

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
hey, thanks a lot for the advice!  
i was wondering, uh, would it be okay if i asked your opinion on a few other things?  
i’m actually really clueless when it comes to this kind of music, but i wanted to surprise my friend for Christmas with a really badass mixtape thing, he really loves remixes and stuff.  
if you’ve got any suggestions or some must-have tracks or something i’d really appreciate it.

John chose that moment to lean across the couch to spy on Dave’s screen.

Dave alt-tabbed as fast as he physically could. 

“What’cha doing?” John sang, bumping his head against Dave’s chest and reaching up to poke his cheek. 

“Nothing, fuck,” Dave said, shoving John’s head away as best he could. “Don’t you have to wake up in the morning? Get your ass to bed, dude.”

John sat back up with a laugh and an “okay, okay, jeez,” and went back to his own laptop. Dave forced the tension out of his shoulders and pulled up the right internet browser. 

When he referred to that forum as a “personal project” he meant it as a very private thing. He didn’t want John or Rose or, heaven forbid, Terezi finding out about it and joining the forum as well to see him enjoying things he always claimed to hate. He would never hear the end of it from any of them and then his fragile, self-improvement activity would shatter faster than the weakest china held by the world’s most butterfingered two year old. He wanted to get at least a little headway into the project before his friends inevitably ruined it with their snark. 

John left to brush his teeth and Dave finally managed to type a reply to Goggle’s message. 

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
sounds like a pretty righteous endeavor there bro consider me on board for this project  
show me what youve got so far and i can point you in the right direction  
for starters IIDX makes some pretty boss stuff hes got his own thread on the dubstep board

\---

Goggles, as it turns out, was into all kinds of stupid shit that Dave always outwardly hated. He liked all of the most ridiculous action movies, some of the dumbest chick flicks, and all of the lamest video games. Dave put a lot of effort into ragging on a lot of those things in front of his friends so it was strangely therapeutic finally being able to talk about them freely. Their private messages quickly deviated away from the mix tape project to just talking about shitty movies and ridiculous fast food and even small details about each other’s lives. 

Goggle’s situation was similar to his own; around the same age, rooming with his best friend, raised by a single parent, hanging out on the internet more than anywhere else. They hit if off instantly and every time one of them brought something new into the conversation it would launch them into an in depth conversation for hours. 

Dave thought about moving their talks to pesterchum, his F5 key was starting the feel the burn of constant use, and Goggles even suggested it but they refrained. This forum was where Dave was okay with talking about everything he really liked. Doing anything offsite ran the risk of him clamping up and reverting to old habits. He thought about lying, he considered making something up about not using pesterchum much because he was avoiding people, but one little lie would eventually turn to many. So Dave told Goggles the truth about why he was on the site. 

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
haha so we’re both working on secret projects!  
that’s actually super neat i feel kind of honored.  
i’ll be your secret partner in crime, turn, you can count on me.

If their friendship ever reached the point of swapping photos, Dave thought he might even be convinced to take off his shades and smile for the camera.


	2. Chapter 2

GG: hey dave were coming over right now, dont forget to open the door this time! :P  
TG: alright alright jesus you slip up once and never live it down  
GG: thats what happens when you wear headphones all the time.  
GG: you and john both actually, whats up with that?  
TG: just dont wanna be disruptive or whatever with my many a varied beat  
TG: figure john just picked up on the habit  
TG: good thing too his music is ridiculous   
GG: dave, your music is ridiculous  
TG: shut up its sick  
GG: anyway, were coming over now  
GG: you guys did buy eggs right?  
TG: obviously

Apart from their intermittent, frequent, unplanned and unnecessary hangouts that the four of them had on any old day of the week at any old time of the day, Thursday nights were a bit of a tradition. None of them generally had classes on Friday (except maybe Jade, but her classes were normally weird in every way they could be) and so they got together for a proper dinner and a downright noble attempt to start on homework before the relief of the weekend got too strong. 

The whole “proper dinner” thing was mostly Rose’s influence as fine dining in the Strider-Egbert house consisted of cup noodles with goldfish crackers in them, and Jade was far too “creative” a chef than anyone really had need to be, so Rose made them all learn how to make regular food that regular people ate on a regular basis. If only for her own sanity.

This week was parmesan chicken and Dave had gotten himself banned from helping due to an incident with the flour and getting it all over everyone’s faces. He sat at the table reciting the recipe as needed and definitely not sulking. 

John and Jade were standing together at the counter, battering the chicken and putting it in a metal tray while Rose supervised, leaving everyone’s back to Dave. Normally, Dave would go about his business at this point, but he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes away from his friends. He wasn’t needed for the time being and there wasn’t a conversation happening that he wanted to be a part of but for some reason his gaze was always pulled back to the same place.

Dave licked his lips and swallowed down a sudden lump in his throat. 

Rose glanced back at him and her lips spread into a wicked smirk. 

Wow, there was suddenly nothing more interesting than Dave’s computer in that moment. He certainly did not need or want to be looking at anyone’s ass, that was for sure.

Out of the corner of his eye Dave could see Rose chuckle as she turned back to John and Jade. Jade asked what was so funny and Rose assured her it was nothing _she_ need concern herself over. 

Fuck.

\---

Dave was sitting in the living room working on a paper for history and actually discussing the mix tape project with Goggles for once, but he was having issues concentrating on either. John was at the sink with his computer (the guy was never away from it recently, much like Dave) switching back and forth between washing the dishes and small bursts of typing. It was pretty much a repeat performance of Thursday night; nothing interesting was going on where John was and yet Dave just kept staring at him. He especially couldn’t afford to look away when John moved to put away the strainer, which they kept on a decently high shelf. Dave may or may not have made proper mac and cheese for that very reason. 

Green boxers today. Green looked good on John. 

John went back to his computer and, after a short pause, started typing with a mildly irritated flair. Uh-oh, someone must have insulted Nic Cage on the internet again, as if that didn’t happen every other day. Dave turned back to his own and hit F5. 

He hadn’t realized how long he had been distracted until he noticed, not one, but two messages from Goggles. 

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
i don’t know, i mean, from an objective standpoint that track is pretty good but,  
i’m really not sure how he feels about diddy kong racing.  
i mean, i downloaded it for myself obviously but i’m gonna have to do a bit of reconnaissance before i can put that one on the tape.  
the other day though i found this great track in the pony thread!  
pinkie pie sort of talks through most of it but it just flows so great.  
there were a couple tracks of just bgm remixes so you can’t even tell what it’s from.  
do you think anyone would notice?

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
turn?  
i know it’s a stupid idea, you could just tell me no, you don’t have to teach me via shame and abandonment.  
or is this about diddy kong?  
i didn’t realize monkeys in go-karts were something you felt so strongly about.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
what no sorry man just got something on my mind  
the bgm tracks you could probably get away with  
those would have anyone admitting its badassery but dont push it alright  
there will be no living with anyone if suddenly they hear pinkie telling everyone to party

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
something bothering you?  
you need someone to talk to?  
who am i kidding, i bet you have an awesome support group already.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
yeah awesome is not the word id use  
theyre all full of shit and would be of no help  
the opposite really  
cant even hint at having an issue like this theyd never let me live it down

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
you can talk to me dude.  
theres no chance of me spreading it around, you know.  
i’m your super special honesty project, aren’t i?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
well  
ugh  
ive got this problem with my roommate  
i just cant stop starring at his ass

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
haha!  
well, are you into him?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
into him what i  
shit  
maybe i guess  
i kind of live with him  
maybe its just a side effect of close quarters

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
uh normally people don’t just start checking out their roommates.  
are either of you two seeing anyone?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
nope  
tried that  
already gave up  
annoyed them all to death with my incessant roommate talk  
sort of wanted to strangle this one girl my roomie was dating  
she was alright but she was cutting into our midnight halo matches  
you know as well as i do that halo is serious business

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
especially midnight matches, those are the best kind!  
well it sounds to me like you’ve got it pretty bad for this guy.  
how long has this been going on?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
the ass admiration is a pretty new development  
but i didnt even think of the homocrush thing until you brought it up just now so i couldnt say how long  
its probably been  
shit  
like forever  
when i think about it  
you dont understand my roommate and i have been through some serious shit  
he the best bro a guy could ask for

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
damn, turn, you’ve got it soooooo bad for him haha!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
shit

John finally brought his computer into the living room and flopped down on the couch, grinning like it was the fourth of July and Christmas all at once. Dave looked up at him from his screen, poker face perfectly in place, and stared at him.

“What are you so happy about?” he asked.

“Nothing!” John chirped. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Sure, thanks for cleaning up.”

John hummed a vaguely familiar tune as he focused on his computer. Dave bit the inside of his mouth as he turned back to his own.

Shit, he had it bad, shit.

\---

GC: D4V3  
GC: 1 H4V3 R34SON TO B3L13V3 Y0U 4R3 P4L3 CH34T1NG ON M3 >:[  
GC: TH1S 1S 4 S3RIOUS OFF3NS3 TH4T C4NNOT B3 T4K3N L1GHTLY!  
GC: 1 W1LL B3 FORC3D TO T4K3 YOU TO TH3 G4LLOWS FOR TH1S  
GC: DONT TH1NK B31ING FR13NDL1K3 W1TH M3 W1LL S4V3 YOU FROM JUST1C3!  
TG: tz im pretty sure theres no one else in the entire universe that I would talk to that even knows what pale cheating is  
TG: besides didnt you say were already doing it wrong  
TG: dont see whats to get so worked up about  
GC: Y3S 4LL YOUR HUM4N 3QU1V4L3NTS TO QU4DR4NTS 4R3 STUP1D 4ND WRONG BUT 1M B31NG CULTUR4LLY S3NS1T1V3 TO YOUR N33DS S33  
GC: YOU COULD ST4ND TO DO TH3 S4M3 FOR M3 YOU G14NT CH34T1NG DOUCH3  
TG: how the fuck am i even cheating  
GC: YOU H4V3NT M3NT1ONED TH3 JOHN HUM4N 4LL W33K  
GC: CL34RLY YOU H4V3 FOUND 4NOTH3R OUTL3T FOR YOUR HOMOBROCRUSH F33L1NGS  
GC: WH4T3V3R TH4T M34NS  
TG: what no  
TG: that was never even a thing  
TG: half of our conversations about john were how i did not have a homobrocrush on him are you even paying attention  
TG: culturally sensitive yeah right youre a shit moirail tz  
GC: NO D4V3  
GC: YOU FORG3T 1 UND3RST4ND YOU 4ND TH3 W4Y YOUR BR41N WORKS  
GC: JUST L1K3 4 GOOD MO1R41L 1S SUPPOS3D TO  
GC: P4RT OF WH4T 1 UND3RST4ND 1S TH4T YOU 4LW4YS T4LK 4BOUT JOHN!  
GC: 3V3N 1F 1TS NOT 4BOUT HOMOBROCRUSH3S TH4T YOU TOT4LLY H4V3  
GC: SO 1TS W31RD  
GC: YOU 4R3 4CT1NG W31RD D4V3  
TG: it is not even all that weird i can talk about shit other than john  
GC: YOU C4NT L13 TO M3 STR1D3R  
TG: ive just been hashing it out with a dude in a similar situation  
TG: we can both talk about our roomates  
TG: so its less me running my mouth like a tool to an alien chick whose only response will be ‘wow dave dats gay’  
TG: and more two dudebros connecting on a deep dudebro level  
GC: SO YOUR3 CH34T1NG OM M3 W1TH TH1S DUD3BRO F3LLOW  
TG: no no ive made a dudebro friend its totally different  
GC: DUD3BROS SOUND L1K3 MO1R41LS G34R3D SP3C1F1C4LLY FOR D34L1NG W1TH HOMOBROCHRUSH3S  
GC: TH4TS ST1LL CH34T1NG D4V3 1 MUST ST1LL COND3MN Y0U  
TG: no youre not listening  
GC: S4V3 1T C4NDYBLOOD  
GC: TH3 PROS3CUT1ON DO3SNT T4K3 K1NDLY TO YOUR 4DULT3ROUS W4YS   
TG: fuck you ive been framed  
TG: lemonsnout would never stand for this

\---

Dave and John sat in varying angles on the couch together, each with a laptop on their lap and headphones in their ears. Dave held his computer close to him, becoming even more guarded in concealing his screen than he had ever been before. He wasn’t just futzing around a forum talking about stupid shit he liked anymore. Now he was talking to Goggles about John. His private messages to him had suddenly become ten times as incriminating as they had been before. 

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
idk man didnt you say you have a roommate too  
wouldnt it be fucking weird if he was into you  
would make everything about living with him fucking awkward

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
i don’t know my roommate is pretty cool!  
not that he would have a thing for me in a million years, haha!!  
but i think we’d work something out that wasn’t weird.  
it sounds like you and your roommate are pretty close too.  
i’m sure he wouldn’t think you were a creeper man.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
yeah sure i wouldnt look like a creeper if this were  
let me take you out to a classy joint on a date status  
but if your roommate suddenly told you  
bro you have a nice ass and I have a serious need to tap that  
itd be fucking weird alright

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
well don’t start with that, god!  
why not just pretend its classy date status until you get a feel for what he’s okay with?  
what kind of thing does he like?  
you could just ask him to go out and do something with you.

Dave stared at Goggle’s message and bit the inside of his mouth. Ask John on a date, seriously? Well, the guy didn’t know John, didn’t know how ridiculous it was for Dave to be into his best bro like that, and under normal circumstances that was probably the most logical course of action. But John was the resident king of being oblivious to any and all romantic endeavors unless it was written down for him, step by step, in a formal letter with charts and illustrations. Asking him on a date would be about as effective as attempting to court him via interpretive dance.

But, well, it was better than nothing.

Dave looked over at John to see him clicking and typing away at his laptop with a small dopey smile turning up his lips.

“What are you doing over there, looking up horrible reviews of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice or something?” he finally asked after a moment.

John pulled his laptop closer to him as he turned to smirk. “Shut up, Dave. I don’t need reviews to know the combination of Nic Cage and classic Disney will be awesome.”

“We could go see it you know. That is a thing we could do.”

“Haha, shut up. I know you don’t wanna sit through that.”

Dave shrugged. “It might not be so bad if I just pretend you dragged me along. Look I know you wanna see it. Why don’t we just go together? It can be an ironic bro date.”

John stared at Dave with a blank expression before breaking out into a full fledged grin. “Really? You’d come see it with me? Man, I hadn’t asked cause I knew you wouldn’t want to!” he said with a laugh.

“Proved you wrong didn’t I? Come on, let’s go.” He slapped John’s thigh to get him moving and stood up off the couch to put his laptop away in the bedroom. 

Probably shouldn’t leave Goggles hanging though. Dave had time to send him one last message while he checked movie times.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
well bro i gotta go  
but ill  
think about what you said  
keep you abreast of any developments if something happens i guess

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
yeah dude, keep me posted.  
i bet he’s into you, just you wait!!!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
heh well see  
later


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, have some aimless fluff.  
> The next update will be simultaneous with the kink meme's. It will still be some time before I get it up, so thank you for your patience! Word on the street is that it will be worth it.

From: TurnMeOn   
To: GhostGoggles   
see my real problem is were already as tight as two platonic best bros can be  
so its impossible to send out feelers  
if i held his hand or something im positive he wouldnt think a thing of it  
so i have no clue how to move past the friend zone without completely showing my hand

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
i still don’t think it’d be that big a deal bro.  
did you ask him out like i told you to?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
yeah  
yeah we went out classic dinner date style  
i paid for everything like a fucking gentleman  
but he just thought i had gotten a bonus at work or something  
idk how many dates do i need to take this kid on before he gets it  
hes already driving me kind of crazy as it is

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
you gotta be patient man.  
i know you said he wouldn’t get it if you just held his hand or something but why not just start with that anyway?  
if you’ve really got no chance you’d find out pretty quick and it’s easier to play something like that off as a joke.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
i guess youre right  
itd be pretty out of character for me so hes sure to at least question it

Dave fidgeted and glanced at John’s hand for nearly ten minutes before ultimately deciding that hand holding was not a thing he could do.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
shit this is weird  
this is so weird  
what am i even doing  
you cannot tell me this whole thing isnt weird

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
this so isn’t weird.  
having a thing for a dude isn’t weird.  
shock and awe, i know!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
no come on lets get hypothetical for a second  
how would you deal with crushing on your roomate?  
can you really say you wouldnt feel weird about it

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
uh well i’m already over feeling weird about it haha.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
omg you have a thing for your rommate too  
this is fucking ridiculous

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
yeah, i guess i do!  
i freaked out about it at first but a friend talked me thorugh it.  
i mean, we’re best friends.  
i just can’t really…  
imagine myself with anyone else i guess.  
i don’t have any sort of ass staring problem though, haha!  
i just like being with him.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
yeah same here bro  
being with him is pretty much always chill as fuck  
it just gets hard when youre caught checking out the goods

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurmMeOn  
you got caught!?  
hahahahaha!

\---

“You’re such a dumbass.”

“Shut up, I’m immune to the cold, I tell you!”

Dave and John walked side by side together as they made their way home from the store. They each were laden with grocery bags, mostly of the instant dinner variety, and John had forgotten his gloves. The cold, December night air was not exactly kind to his exposed fingers. 

“Yeah, you look about as immune as me,” Dave said, glancing down at John’s tightly clenched hands. “And I’m from the land of heat and sunburns.”

“You don’t understand, Dave,” he insisted, “this is my natural habitat. An heir of breath frolicking in the frozen tundra like it’s spring break. That’s what’s going on right now.”

“I didn’t know heirs were susceptible to frostbite during spring break.”

“I’m fine!”

Still, Dave kept his eyes on John’s hands. He bit at the inside of his mouth for a moment as he watched John hold back little shivers. If ever there was a time for ironic bro hand holding…

Dave shifted all of his bags to one hand, the weight already pulling the plastic handles down hard on his fingers, and held out his now free hand to John.

“Give me that,” he said.

John blinked at Dave and his hand for a moment. “Huh?”

“Your hand,” Dave said slowly. “Give it to me.”

John still looked a little dumbfounded as he shifted his own bags and placed his hand in Dave’s. Dave stuffed both of their hands into his pocket.

“Better?”

That got him a stupid toothy grin.

“Haha, thanks! It’s toasty.”

Dave kept his focus on the sidewalk before them, trying to hold in the smile that threatened to break out on his face.

“We’ll switch in a bit, this shit’s heavy.”

\---

TT: I’m surprised, Dave.  
TG: what  
TT: You haven’t come to me with any… issues as of late.   
TT: Normally you crack much faster than this. I’ve been forced to make the first move this time.  
TG: the hell are you on about   
TT: I didn’t miss where your eyes have been lingering these past few visits.   
TT: You’ve been staring at him so openly, it’s impossible, even for you, to not notice.   
TG: oh were talking about john   
TG: i thought maybe you poisoned that devil brew to make me more willing to spill my every deep dark secret   
TG: you normally just use alcohol for that though   
TT: And how quickly you admit to it.   
TT: This is very odd.   
TT: How else have your mentalities changed while I wasn’t pestering you?  
TG: nothings changed im just   
TG: getting some pep talks is all   
TG: making some moves if you will   
TG: its working out pretty great since the advice isnt from snarky broads who dont know shit about whats up   
TG: just straight forward advice from a typical dudebro like myself  
TT: … Really now?   
TT: It’s not like you to open up to strangers.   
TT: Especially strangers from the same preposterous dudebro culture as yourself.   
TT: I thought the code of the dudebro called for the obfuscation of all things feelings related.  
TG: this particular bro isnt much of a dudebro to be honest   
TG: hes cool but he doesnt give a shit about all that  
TT: And where are you meeting this spectacular bro, if I may ask?   
TG: internet  
TT: Obviously.  
TG: point is ive got my feelings bases covered   
TG: so i dont need any of your crazy psychoanalytical babble for this particular endeavor   
TG: ships all set up to sail over here  
TT: Well Dave, I must admit I’m quite proud of you.   
TT: Do keep me abreast of any developments, I am fairly invested in your well being, as well as John’s.  
TG: yeah right you just want to mock the fuck out of us  
TT: What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t tease at least a little?   
TT: You cannot deny me that one simple pleasure.  
TG: yeah whatever   
TG: maybe ill invite you to the wedding if youre good  
TT: Oh, you are far too kind, my dear brother.

\---

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
man, turn, all this roommate romance talk is starting to affect me.   
i used to be completely okay with just being friends but now...  
we’ve both got it bad!  
i suddenly feel like we are in the exact same boat.  
i take back all my teasing, this sucks!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
like youve got anything to fucking worry about  
i bet your roommate thinks youre totally adorable  
you know what you gotta try is the classic fall asleep on his shoulder move  
its subtle as hell and i know hell let you  
do it enough and he wont be able to sit comfortably on the couch without you leaning on him  
try it  
im sure itll work for you

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
you think so?  
i don’t know that feels kind of sudden!  
i haven’t been making any sort of subtle hints or anything and now suddenly  
bam! snuggle times? that’s way too obvious!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
hey you got me to open right the fuck up and talk about all this mushy nonsense  
pretty fucking sure you can get this guy to open up to some cuddlebros  
bitches love cuddlebros

\--- 

Movie nights in casa de Harley + Lalonde always lead to a hodgepodge of limbs and girl giggles. Jade and John were the main culprits when it came to laying on top of people, but Rose could be persuaded to lean on someone’s shoulder or scratch behind someone’s ear as well. Dave always kept himself upright, his arms usually draped over the back of the couch. His participation in the kid pile was generally encumbered upon someone flopping their extra limbs over his legs. He wouldn’t have minded getting a bit more involved, but he ran the risk of enjoying himself a bit too much. He was starting small with this self-honesty thing, but he figured he could eventually work himself up to putting his head in Rose’s lap or something. That’s when he would know he had made progress.

That night, Jade had taken it upon herself to lay on as many people as she possibly could. Her head was in Rose’s lap, for she was the most reliable when it came to head scratching, while her feet dangled and squirmed on John’s legs, which was always a mistake for the danger of random tickle skirmishes. That left Dave with the rest of her legs. It was probably the most common set of limbs he was charged with, next to a combination of Jade and John feet. 

It was disney movie night, which was what had Jade so excited, and Dave was pretty content with the whole set up. Beauty and the Beast wasn’t his favorite, but the girls liked it and he and John could always find something to snicker about. Dave was about ready to let himself smile a bit while no one was paying attention.

The library scene came and everyone was about to break into song again when Dave felt a weight on his shoulder. John had leaned over, closing the already measly inch between them to press their sides together. His arms still rested over Jade’s ankles but the rest of him was pressed against Dave. 

Dave felt himself stiffen at the contact, but he did everything he could to keep himself close to John. As the song came to a close John nuzzled his head slightly against Dave’s shoulder. Dave let himself relax with a soft breath through his nostrils. Dave could no longer hold in his smile. 

If his arm happened to fall from the back of the couch and onto John’s shoulder, well. There wasn’t much Dave could do aside from holding their bodies flush together for the rest of the night. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long on this update, guys!!! I'm actually a crap writer (my secret is out) and descriptions are pretty much the bane of my existence, haha. The rest of the updates should not be so long in coming! I can't say they're going to be "fast" either...
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
you dont watch the general forum do you  
there was a big hubub going down about a new club opening up thats supposed to feature remixes like the shit on this site  
its got its own damn sticky go look at it

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
wow, that sounds pretty legit!  
how are they even gonna make money off of this place, the party rockers will revolt.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
dont be stupid the party rockers are already rejoicing  
its being built for party rockers  
party rockers like us  
i will shuffle there every goddamn day if they let me

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
don’t forget your boyfriend, oh wait, haha.  
i don’t know how much of a club person i am, so this place would probably be wasted on me.  
that’s not usually my kind of crowd.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
the target audience is literally us so i think youd fit in just fine  
itd be a pretty sick study experience for you too  
you could hear all sorts of shit you wouldnt normally look for to put in that cd of yours

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
i’d have to see if it’s close by, i’m sort of in the middle of nowhere.  
it’s not exactly a club conducive landscape.  
but man turn, you sure are excited about this place!  
i don’t think i’ve ever seen you fan boy this hard.  
and we’ve talked about titanic so i would know.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
you dont understand how much i need this place in my life goggles  
i need it

With everyone’s birthday so close together, the four of them stuck to one big outing for everyone, then cake for every meal of the day on their actual birthdates. (John had to fend for himself, but there was no cake involved on his birthday so he could just deal.) The collective outings were generally something universally entertaining and silly, like bowling or the drive-in. One time, they even went to a pool hall, which was far more entertaining than it had any right to be with Jade and Rose getting so competitive over it with those random strangers. This year no one was making any suggestions, or even telling Dave if there was a plan yet. Collective birthdays normally lead to collective planning, so it made Dave a little nervous to be kept in the dark like this. 

Eventually they filled him in on what day they were going out, but they still didn’t tell him what they were doing, even when he finally flat out asked. They all showed tell-tale signs of secret plans with their not so subtle smirks or goofy giggle fits, but they were more tight lipped about it than Dave had ever seen them about anything. The secrecy was threatening to drive him mad. Dave was preemptively bitter about this birthday already. 

Even when the day arrived Dave knew nothing. They all piled into Jade’s tiny rice burner car, clearly excited, but speaking of nothing but mundane, every day topics and shitty movies. 

“Where the hell are we even going,” Dave finally asked after a good forty minutes on the road. “And why am I the only one that doesn’t know?”

John chuckle-snorted into his hand. 

“Don’t worry, Dave,” Rose said from the front seat, her insufferable smirk evident just from her voice. “We all agreed that this place would be the most fun for everyone on this particular birthday.”

“If we’re going to an outlet mall for dress shopping I will kill you,” Dave responded flatly. 

Jade laughed. “Don’t be silly! That’s next weekend.”

Dave groaned and slouched down in his seat, refusing to speak to anyone for the rest of the trip. 

After about another hour they reached an industrial looking area, where Rose took on her role of navigator and Dave tried desperately to figure out what the hell they were doing out there. They place they eventually parked in front of looked pretty out of place next to all the tall, industrial buildings that dominated the streets around it. It was the picture definition of a hole in the wall with the walls shoddy and freshly recovered from graffiti. The only thing that looked new on the place was the surprisingly functional neon sign that simply read “MiX.” Dave found the name awfully familiar…

They stepped out of the car and Dave could already feel the bass of the music vibrating in the soles of his shoes. 

Dave glanced at John, who was grinning ear to ear beside him. “We did not just drive nearly two hours for a strip club.”

“Haha, like Rose would let me take everyone to a strip club! Come on!” He took hold of Dave’s hand and pulled him toward the entrance, Jade on their heels pushing them both by the shoulders. 

Door fee paid and IDs checked, Dave let his friends drag him into the dimly lit club. The contrast from the trashed outside was immediate; pitch black walls decorated by the lights over the dance floor, stylish partitions separating the dancers from the diners that were pristine with no signs of age or rough treatment, modern table settings that looked brand new and the music… Was that the Jurassic Park theme? The bass shook him down to the bones, and there were more than a few people on the dance floor who looked like they never left their computers. John managed to pull Dave all the way through the doorway, but after that he stood stock still.

This was it. It had to be. It was the club he had just been raving to Goggles about. Dave thought he would never be able to see it, already figuring that he could never get his friends to drive all this way for a club. But now here they were. The club of his dreams. All without telling him or even hearing about it.

“How did… you even hear about this place?” Dave murmured, not expecting for John to actually hear him over the music.

John shrugged. “The internet,” he answered simply. 

“But how the. What the hell sites are you on, Egbert?” 

“Come on, Dave, we clearly need to get some alcohol in you!” Jade shouted into his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, step aside, I’ve got a hot date with señor Daniels. Shots!” Dave called, turning to face everyone.

“Shots!” Jade agreed. 

They opened a tab at the bar and let their alcoholic birthday shenanigans begin. They started with a shot in unison, toasting to another year without destroying the universe as they always did. Then they moved on to other drinks; a Guinness for Dave, a margarita for Rose and the weirdest sounding thing on the signature menu for Jade. They kept the drinks coming as they munched on sweet potato fries and free peanuts, each taking copious sips from what the others were drinking before calling for shots to get the taste of Dave’s beer out of their mouths. John took two, spaced out shots early on but then just nursed his buzz with a ridiculously bright and girly cocktail before stopping all together. The birthday kids were free to get hammered, but John was driving home.

One more shot and the four of them finally moved themselves onto the dance floor. Dave had been taping his feet and bobbing his head the entire time, but he had to put up a fake fight when they finally dragged him out. They stood in a small square facing each other and danced however seemed appropriate for the song. Sometimes that involved walking like an Egyptian in the middle of everyone, plugging their nose like they were under water or latching an arm around someone’s shoulder and swaying dramatically. 

Eventually they started taking breaks in shifts, John and Rose returning to the table first while Dave and Jade danced together. Dave was already drunk enough to grin outright, pulling Jade close in a mockery of traditional club dancing as Jade laughed in his arms. A few songs of that and Jade eventually brought Dave back to the table, cueing John and Rose to take their turn dancing together. Rose was no where near as drunk as Dave, but a sample of John’s more elaborate dance moves had her laughing as loudly as Jade. When they returned, Rose held out her hand for Jade and the two ladies took to the dance floor together while Dave and John snickered and made jokes that the girls would later hit them for. Jade rushed back to claim John, who protested at not having a long enough break but he still gave his all when Jade challenged him to a dance off of ridiculous proportions. The four of them took a break together when the mozzarella sticks came out. One more shot and they were all back to the dance floor. 

“I gotta pee!” Jade suddenly announced after only a few songs, leaning heavily on Rose. “Rose, Rose, come with me, I have no idea where the place thing is.”

“The place with the thing that is a bathroom?” Rose asked, leaning into Jade in turn. “Fuck if I know.”

“You guys need help finding it?” John asked.

“No!” Jade exclaimed, pushing John forcefully away. “Dance with Dave! We’ll be right back!” 

The girls took off like rockets, giggling more than was strictly necessary. Dave and John were left staring at each other.

After a moment, Dave finally shrugged. “Let’s dance, bro.”

“Yeah.”

Dave stopped him a moment later. 

“What is that?” he asked.

“I’m dancing!” John answered, continuing to… Wiggle was the only word Dave had for it.

“That’s not dancing. I don’t know what that is.” He reached out to hold John’s arms down. “Stop flailing and move your hips.”

John made a face. “I can’t. That feels totally awkward.”

“Come on, just move to the music, Egbert,” Dave said, sliding his hands down John’s arms to take his hands instead. He swayed his hips to show John what he meant. “The music is telling you to fuck everyone on the dance floor.”

John barked a laugh, the kind that said Dave was full of shit. “The music is _not_ telling me to fuck everyone!”

“Alright, then the music is telling you to fuck just me on the dance floor.” He released one of John’s hands in favor of grabbing his hip, nudging John a little closer and trying to get him to dance like Dave was.

John let himself be pulled closer, but he looked vaguely horrified as he did so. “Um. That’s. I mean, I’m not…”

“Shut up and dance with me, Egbert.”

“Okay.”

Dave let go of John’s other hand and simply held him by the hips, pulling their bodies close together and forcing John to move with him. John’s arms floated awkwardly around his sides for a moment, clearly without a clue as to what to do with them. Dave let his hands slide further back around John’s middle, inching them closer and closer until their hips were practically flush, their chests bumping together as they danced. 

John bit his lips, and finally decided to drape his arms over Dave’s shoulders. He pulled himself completely flush against Dave, so that their chests moved together just as their hips did, but most of the movement was with their hips at this point anyway. His eyes had gone half lidded, and he seemed to be staring at something around Dave’s chin. 

Dave stared too, not just at John’s chin, but at his lips, his eyes, his messy hair, the neck line of his shirt, everywhere. John was covered in sweat and there was a faint trace of lipstick where Rose had basically bumped into his jaw line. Dave was very aware of just how _close_ they were. There was really only one way to bring him closer, and they needed to be closer, it still wasn’t enough. Dave dipped his head unconsciously at the thought. John gasped slightly at the movement, and that’s when he noticed it was his mouth, John had been staring at his mouth the whole time, and if they leaned together just the smallest bit more then they could…

Dave leaned in to close the gap. John’s lips were so close he could almost feel them.

“Boys!” came the sudden call from far too close. 

Dave’s hands shot away from John so fast you would have thought he had been burned. John’s arms lingered around Dave’s shoulder for a moment before he finally slid them away. Jade and Rose bounded up to them as normal and inconspicuous as could be, their huge grins probably more a product of the alcohol than anything else, but there was a forced feeling to John’s smile. It reminded Dave of that look John would get when they talked to that girl in their math class that was always wanting to look at Dave’s homework even though John was the one acing all the tests. 

Soon enough, though, Jade and John were bumping hips like chummy little idiots and the moment was lost. That weird quality to John’s smile was completely gone as if it had never been and when Dave tried to look for it, Rose took the opportunity to grab his ass. Dave jumped and trying to stare at her incredulously, but the edges of his mouth turned upward automatically. 

“Whoa, list of people I do not expect to grab my ass; my own fucking ecto-sister.”

“Sorry I’m not on your list of people you wish would grab your ass,” she said, smarmy grin a bit too big to give the right effect. “But you left yourself wide open.”

“Wiiiiide open!” Jade repeated, she and John winking like they were the most cleaver pair in the world.

“No amount of alcohol will ever make that funny,” Dave said, shoving John into Jade. 

They both laughed and they all went back to dancing, sharing one last round of shots and a fudge brownie before making the long trip back to their apartment. 

\---

When they finally made it home the four of them stumbled down the hall together, their arms wrapped around each other and Dave pulling them off balance every two steps. Rose, who was still fairly inebriated, tried to keep him upright, but that only served to have Dave collapse bodily into her. He latched onto her when they had reached the apartment, collapsing his head onto her shoulder and hugging her tight. Rose rolled her eyes with a laugh and gave him a small pat on his back. 

“Seriously, best birthday ever,” Dave mumbled into her blouse.

“Get inside, dumbass,” she answered, pushing him off her.

Dave turned to latch onto Jade and tried to spin her around, but he stumbled about halfway through and broke them apart. Jade giggled at him mercilessly and shoved him at his door, which John had been unlocking. 

“And you….” Dave said, an accusatory finger shoved at John’s nose as he was ushered inside.  
John only grinned. He waved goodnight to Rose and Jade and was closing the door behind him when Dave fell on him.

Well, it was less like falling and more like pinning him against the door and kissing him. Because that was exactly what it was.

It felt like falling to Dave though, since he was just becoming lucid enough to understand that this was probably stupid. He felt John freeze up, hands resting lightly on his chest in position to push him away. Dave tilted his head and suddenly those hands fisted into the fabric of his jacket, pulling him closer instead. 

The room felt eerily quiet, the white noise still buzzing faintly inside Dave’s head and the ghost of a beat still pounding through his veins along with the alcohol. Someone hummed into the kiss and it cut through the silence like a beacon, pulling Dave deeper. He opened his mouth to swipe his tongue along John’s lip and John immediately opened his mouth as well with a soft gasp, his own tongue darting out to tangle with Dave’s. Dave pushed their bodies fully together, trying to sink into John’s body heat with their chests flush against each other. 

He was just so warm and… comfortable. Dave’s eyelids suddenly felt as if they were made of lead. He wrapped his arms around John’s waist and let his mouth slowly slip away, dropping his head onto John’s shoulder to plant light, lazy kisses on his neck. John sighed, low and content, and looped his arms around Dave’s shoulders. They leaned heavily against the door for a moment before either of them could find the energy to speak.

“Go to bed, dude,” John said to the ridge of Dave’s ear, his voice hoarse and breathless.

“You can’t make me,” Dave mumbled into the crook of his shoulder.

“Yeah right, I’ll lay you down and you’ll knock right out.”

Dave squirmed slightly, as if he could get any closer to John. “I’ll lay you down, baby.”

John laughed. “Go to sleep!” he tried again, pushing them upright off the door. Dave clinged to him relentlessly and John had to maneuver them both into the bedroom. 

Dave whined as he was dropped onto this mattress. “No, I’m not done with you,” he mumbled, his hands latching on to John’s hips though they did not have the strength to hold him in place. 

“Happy birthday, Dave,” John whispered as he pried himself away and disappeared into the bathroom.

It wasn’t fair. Didn’t John know how much they needed to kiss? He didn’t understand. Nobody understood. Nobody except Goggles. 

Dave glanced to the side where his computer was still open and running. Goggles needed to know, Goggles needed to try this. He stared at the darkened screen for a moment before he managed to prop himself half way up and hastily opened their string of private messages. 

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
goggles  
goggles i have some sound piece of advise for you  
kiss him  
just kiss him square on the mouth dude im serious  
you guys have been dancing around each other for long enough  
if he hasnt pushed you away yet or figured it out then fuck him  
okay dont literally fuck him yet lets see how this kissing thing goes first  
man i am drunk  
but goggles you kiss that boy on the mouth right now


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll can thank [Dani](http://danifantasmic.tumblr.com/) for reminding me that this thing exists and that I should write it. Thanks, broslice!  
> And thank you all! You are the biggest bunch of troopers I've ever seen in my life, I'm serious. I apologize for this and any subsequent waits; I'm super slow and I'm not even gonna lie about it anymore.

TG: lalonde   
TG: im pretty sure i did something stupid last night   
TT: Based on how intoxicated you were and how friendly that made you, I am almost certain you did something stupid.   
TT: How much do you remember?   
TG: fuzzy images   
TG: that awesome sibling hug hope you enjoyed it there wont be a repeat   
TT: Until next you are thus inebriated   
TG: i kissed john   
TG: im pretty sure   
TT: Ah.   
TG: like shoved him against the door as soon as he closed it   
TG: i couldn’t   
TG: help it   
TT: Well, you did nearly kiss him on the dance floor.   
TT: And he did seem fairly… receptive to it.   
TG: i knew you were watching you dick   
TG: i wasnt drunk enough to ignore you so i didnt do it   
TT: That’s a shame.   
TT: John actually seemed a little disappointed when we intervened.   
TG: yeah well i righted that wrong when we got home apparently   
TT: And how did he take it?   
TG: i don’t   
TG: actually know   
TG: kinda afraid to go out there   
TT: David Strider, are you sitting in your room like a frightened little girl.   
TG: oh my god shut up im just debating how to handle the situation   
TT: Do Jade and I need to come save you? She wants to come over to check on your hangover status anyway.   
TG: probably a good idea regardless of my awkward ass   
TG: i guess give me a couple minutes to test the waters and if i need you sooner ill text you   
TT: Alright, I will be glued to my phone awaiting further instruction. 

Under normal circumstances, Dave would have no problem shuffling out into the living room, moaning and groaning to try and get John to dote on him (it worked sometimes) but there was more to this hangover than just too much alcohol. There was a faint throbbing at the back of his head and he would have much rather burritoed himself into his blankets than talk to anybody, but duty and a pair of unjustly violated lips called. He rolled off his bed and pulled himself to his feet, forcing his back straight and massaging his temples now so he didn’t do it later. 

He found John sitting on the couch, staring at his computer on the tray table with a screwed up frown, teeth poking out as he bit down on his lower lip. He looked up with a bit of a start when Dave came shuffling into the room.

Dave fell onto the opposite end of the couch and John’s eyes flittered back and forth between Dave and the laptop.

Fuck, it was already awkward. He really did fuck everything up with that kiss. He couldn’t just leave things like that, they still had to live together and Dave could not exactly handle losing John as a best friend. He bit his tongue, took in a deep breath and opened his mouth. 

“So that. Was a kiss,” he managed, his voice strained. Not the best explanation, but it was all he could muster as a starting point.

“Uh, yeah. That. That was a thing that happened.” John kept glancing at his laptop and biting his lip, like he was waiting for it to tell him what to do. Or maybe hoping it would come to life and swallow him whole. 

Dave turned away. Bullshit, no-homo explanation it was, then. 

“Look, I didn’t mean to…” 

“Dave.”

Hesitant fingers at his jaw made the words die in Dave’s throat. He hadn’t even seen John move closer and suddenly their noses were practically touching. John brushed his fingers against Dave’s cheek as he reached behind his head. John bit his lip one last time, but he didn’t seem at all mortified anymore.

“I’m gonna kiss you this time, okay?” He said.

“Uh,” was all Dave got out. 

John’s lips were soft and hesitant against his own, maybe even a little noncommittal, giving Dave all the room in the world to push him away. Dave answered in kind with his own half assed brush of the lips and they exchanged a few more half-baked butterfly kisses, both of them slowly building up speed and ferocity until finally John pushed himself fully into the kiss. Dave growled, took John by the hips and pulled him as close as he could manage. 

The flood gates were annihilated. Dave tossed his reservations in the trash and thrust his tongue into John’s mouth. He was rewarded with a deep hum and a roll of John’s hips. John was in his lap, shoving Dave down against the couch until he was completely on top of him. Dave was pretty sure that there was nothing better than being pinned against the couch by your best friend; it was easily the best hangover he had ever experienced. What a bitchin’ birthday indeed. He could kiss John all day. He probably would, at this rate, what else did they even have to do?

The phone in his back pocket vibrated once to alert him of a text message.

Shit.

“Wait. Time out,” Dave said breathlessly against John’s mouth. “I gotta text Lalonde.”

John pushed himself up to stare at him, his face twisted into a scowl. “What.”

“I gotta tell her to abort the mission,” Dave tried.

John wordlessly dipped his head to nip at Dave’s neck.

“Our makeouts are in danger,” he tried again, far weaker this time. 

Instead of respond to the threat John kissed him again, reaching up to remove Dave’s glasses as he took Dave’s bottom lip between his teeth. 

Dave sighed into John’s mouth. Fuck it. Lalonde could deal. He had far more important matters to attend to.

Dave and John barely registered the knock at the door in time before Jade and Rose let themselves in. The first thing they did when they got their apartments was make copies of both the keys for safety (and prankster gambit) purposes. It was not the kind of thing Dave kept in mind when getting his mack on. 

At the sound of the door actually opening the two of them pushed away from each other so forcefully that they rolled themselves off the couch. The girls’ greeting was cut short by a sharp cry and a loud thud as Dave and John hit the floor. 

“Ow, fuck,” John grumbled, “I didn’t have a headache before, you ass!”

Dave sat himself atop John and pinned him to the floor in what probably passed as a wrestling pose. 

“You must suffer as I do!”

\---

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
turn! turn! i think we’re totally dating! 

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
didn’t realize our relationship had reached that point so swiftly  
im sorry goggles but my heart belongs to another

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
not us dumbass. me and my roommate!  
i took your advice and tried getting my mad cuddle on and he was totally into it right away. we’ve been holding hands a bit.  
plus we kissed!!  
that’s how this stuff works, right? once you’ve kissed it’s pretty much a sealed deal, right?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
you’ve got about three levels of sealed deal right there dude  
youre so completely an item youre flying off the shelves

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
how about you, turn? you held his hand yet?  
i can vouch for that shit, it totally works.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
nah it’s pretty much impossible to say with this guy  
i mean i got drunk and shit went down but you know nobody takes you serious when youre wasted  
probably planted the seed at least but thats all i can say for sure

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
why don’t you just try kissing him again while you’re sober?   
i’m assuming you kissed him.  
or maybe just outright tell him your drunken antics happened to be completely serious?

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
oh yeah and while im at it ill walk around town with a huge banner that says I take it up the butt let me just get on that

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
right, right, i forgot you can only spill your guts to a stranger on the internet hehe.  
but what good is practicing with me if you don’t eventually learn to talk to your boyfriend?  
honesty is really important with this kind of stuff

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
i know  
obviously that shits rule number one but i  
aaaarg  
fuck  
im scared alright  
i cant risk losing him over this shit  
freaking him out for any reason is just not gonna fly  
ill do whatever he wants to make him happy  
my feelings dont matter one sappy lick

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
what if knowing how you feel would make him happy?  
come on turn, you already had sloppy drunken makeouts with him and he didn’t freak out.  
i seriously doubt a feelings jam will send him running.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
yeah but drunken makeouts are fun shit  
feelings jams are like pulling teeth

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
you’ve never even had your teeth pulled, have you.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
not the point

\---

Finals week managed to throw everyone’s schedule so out of whack that Dave hardly ever saw John, much less had a chance to really talk to him. What they did talk about was biology. And math. And political science, goddamnit, how did they ever think that class was a good idea? When they had a moment alone together one of them was guaranteed to have their nose in a book so Dave could not even gauge if their relationship had really shifted at all. There was an incident on Tuesday night, however, where they made out briefly, but that was cut short when John began reciting his flash cards from memory and Dave was about ready to pass out anyway. By the end of the week Dave was about ready to chalk it up to hallucinations on his part and be done with it. 

Dave and Rose were walking back to the apartment after their last finals when the subject was finally broached. 

“With the state I found the two of you in at the start of the week, I take it things are going well?” Rose said as their doorways came in sight. 

“If your definition of ‘well’ is ‘not disastrous yet’ then sure, I guess you could say that.”

Rose stopped and stared at Dave with a strange quirk to her brow. 

“… Are the two of you not together then? I’m not sure how else you would have gotten into that situation other than your bullshit excuse which you know I don’t buy.”

Dave stuffed his hands into his pockets and let out a huff of frustration before answering. “Yeah, whatever, imagine what you like. Just because there was an incident doesn’t mean shit.”

Rose’s expression became even more incredulous, if that were even possible. “What? This is John we are talking about. The boy who gushes over scenes of hand-holding because it shows how couples are so in love. The boy who went on a ghost date with a troll because he felt it was the right thing to do. The boy who can’t have a girlfriend for more than six months because then they start expecting him to have sex with them.”

“Wow, ok, yeah, I get it. If something happened it means he probably thinks we’re an item. But we haven’t exactly been swapping diaries here, how do you know how he feels when the only parts of the equation are dudes?”

“I suppose you’re right, I have no proof,” Rose said, resuming their short trek to their respective front doors. “But the two of you are dangerously close to reaching a hilarious misunderstanding of romcom proportions. I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly had enough of living a life that’s so entertaining it might as well be a video game.”

“Haha, very funny, just keep digging up that dead horse, it gets lonely if you don’t kick it once in a while.”

“Dave. Talk to him.” 

“Shit, fine, go do your homework or something,” Dave said hastily, holding his hands up defensively as he backed up toward his door. 

“I would if there was any,” Rose relented, shaking her head as she began to open her own apartment door. “Good luck.”

Luck, yeah. If only some kind of stupid Serket power could actually help him out in this kind of situation. Dave let himself into his flat with an impending sense of dread, trying to formulate the conversation in his head. ‘Hey John, I know we made out that one time on my birthday, but are we playing twelve-year-old girl rules because I’m pretty sure we should be dating.’ There was pretty much nothing more mortifying they could talk about. Dave would rather bust out the puppet horror stories than go down that road.

He found John sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, a match of Mortal Kombat playing on the screen before him. He had his tongue in his cheek and he flailed the controller around as if it would make his character kick any faster. 

The conversation Dave had been trying to formulate in his head fled to the Bahamas.

“Let’s duel, bro,” Dave said in lieu of a greeting, stepping over John to sit directly behind him on the couch. 

John handed him a controller with a wide grin. Dave took it with a smirk of his own.

Who needed words and labels anyway? Dave was going to kick John’s ass in Mortal Kombat and then kiss him senseless. That was all there was to say on the mater. 

\---

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
idk bro we might be an item but it feels more like friends with benefits so thats probably the score  
im balls deep in awkward so i missed the appropriate window for talking about this kind of shit with him

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
you two are so probably dating, who even does friends with benefits anymore?  
especially if they’re going to be that beneficial.

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
i guess friends with benefits dont tend to hold hands with the kind of ferocity we do  
its an affectionate battlefield out there

From: GhostGoggles  
To: TurnMeOn  
hold hands for great justice!  
maximum togetherness or death!

From: TurnMeOn  
To: GhostGoggles  
were not an item were a goddamn revolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of what is available. I'm afraid my notes for this have disappeared along with my interest in Homestuck, so at least I left this in a place where they were actually kissing. For closure purposes, Christmas morning Dave would see the track list and realize with horror that John was Goggles all long. Luckily I am nothing if not predictable. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this thing for so long! I am just stoked to high hell that you enjoyed it and I'm really sorry I couldn't finish it for you guys.


End file.
